– Contributed by Wee C
It’s finally happened. I’ve swung too far the other way.
For years my personal pendulum* swung disproportionately to the overworked, overtired, overstressed, overemotional, overcommitted, overperfectionist side of life. It was bloody tiring and not much fun at all. I had way too many things to check off my list, way too many people to please, way too many competing goals to achieve. Way too, way too much.
When I finally made a clean break (which took way too many failed tries), I ran so fast and so far in the opposite direction that I didn’t want a single goal or obligation left in my life. Damn goals, I thought, they’re just like having someone hold your head under water and laugh as you gasp for air. They won’t get me again.
When I finally stopped running, I hit a clearing. A big, open pasture that had no hills, no rocks, no molehills that turned into mountains. Just grass, sunshine and blue skies. I could look out all day long and nothing would obstruct my view. Insert blissful sighs, cartwheels in the field and rousing renditions of Kumbaya here.
But there was a problem. On the edge of my field was a Sleepy Hollow-esque forest. Dark and threatening and filled with the horrors of big goals, dreams and mile long to-do lists that chased you until you tripped on a stump and cried out for help. Cross that line into the Forest of Aspirations and you were all but a goner, never to return to the field again.
Having spent an awful lot of time in the forest, I felt like there was no middle ground between the lush green fields and the foreboding mass of trees. And if you had to pick one or the other, I bet you’d pick the place where beauty and bliss abounds, too.
But guess what? That field is pretty damn boring. Especially for a girl who thrives on growth and evolution, chasing big dreams and pushing boundaries. You can only put a buttercup under your chin so many times before the suspense wears off. And I’ve completely mastered the art of the daisy crown.
So it appears that I let my personal pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction. I stripped my life of goals, massive to-do lists and obligations. And, yes, I LOVED that…for awhile. And it was EXACTLY what I needed. But it’s time. I need my pendulum to find its way to centre. In fact, I’m hungry as hell for a couple killer challenges and some serious boundary pushing.
The beauty of hanging out in the field is that your mind gets mighty clear. Empty even. You know, all that fresh air tends to cleanse things. So with my clear mind and the restored fire in my belly, I actually get to start from ground zero and add only the goals, intents, dreams and aspirations that I want to. I get to be deliberate and disciplined about what I choose to add and what I don’t. I get to discover the place between the forest and the field that’s down in the valley and hidden from view.
So what’s next you ask? In the next couple of weeks, I’ll be finding out. I’m going to put aside some time, hang out with myself and take a good hard look at what I want to add in. But one thing is for sure. I’ll only be inviting things that add value to my life and that are worth making myself uncomfortable for. And don’t worry, I’ve worked so hard to get my mind mentally prepared for this next phase that I’m ready to kick ass and take some forest-goblin names.
*Ok, so I know, my analogy of the pendulum is highly flawed. But I like the visual. So, for the purposes of this post a pendulum can swing dramatically more to one side than the other. Plus, it’s my blog. So I get to change science however I want. I win.