This is a post that has been writing itself for the past year and a half. Since the day we launched the blog, in fact. 17 months, nearly 30,000 hits to the site and, as of the moment I press “publish”, 99 posts later.
We started this blog to chronicle 30 Things. We believed it was an interesting story to tell; one that some folks may see themselves in, draw inspiration from, or simply find humour in. Turns out, we were right. We also started this blog because it gave us a home for our story, a place where we could collect our thoughts and make sense of life’s evolution. This has been particularly true for me.
In April 2010, I had no idea the hell of a ride I was about to go on. I knew that things were changing, that there was a big something ahead of me, but I could not have predicted what a stunning evolution of self would happen.
Since then, I’ve migrated from a girl who couldn’t say “yes” to anything fun to one who wants nothing more than a life filled with joy, abundant laughter and a whole lot of foolishness…and is in fact living that life every, single day.
I have gone from a girl who had suffocated all of her relationships to one who is unreasonably blessed to have a bounty of remarkable, caring people in her life. I am surrounded by healthy, loving relationships.
Two years ago I was drowning in negative energy, unable to deal with life’s curve balls. Now I say “go ahead and throw them”, I’ll learn what I’m supposed to learn and move on. I promise I’ll come out the other side with a smile on my face.
I went from being 110% married to my marriage, to separated and, now, en route to divorce. I learned to accept the thing I feared most in life. With the help of Big L, I embraced the fact that you can’t logic your way through tragedy, you need to go into the eye of the storm and weather it before you can come out the other side. And, through that, I’ve come to thank my lucky stars for the unbelievably positive change this turn of events has brought.
All along the journey, you all have been right here, cheering me on, offering up public and private words of encouragement, asking for more, spreading the word and coming back week after week. I have exposed some of my most honest feelings. I let you inside my head and heart and risked a hell of a lot of judgement – some of my most exposing posts were read by hundreds and that’s plenty raw. There were times when I didn’t want to write, when I didn’t want to share, but I did because it forced me to push through, to be seriously uncomfortable.
Because of all of that, this blog has been an enormous source of pride for me. I’m proud of myself for telling my story, for sharing despite the discomfort, for ignoring the emotional risks and doing it anyway.
Now, it’s time for a break. Comfortably Uncomfortable has helped me through the most difficult and exhilarating period of my life. It forced forward momentum when I couldn’t ignite it myself. But after a long period of sharing everything, I’m hungry for more privacy. It’s not fear. Nor is it an unwillingness to share. I simply want to experience a period of change and evolution that’s not fueled and supported by a bevy of cheerleaders. It feels important to be alone with my thoughts and find the strength within myself to grow and take risks. I couldn’t have arrived here without this blog, amongst other things.
I’ll be back, I’m sure of it. But for now, I’m hanging up the crutches and taking a little walk on my own. Adios en vaya con dios.