30 Things…The Sequel

- Contributed by Wee C

At the risk of sounding predictably Nova Scotian, there’s something about the shore at Peggy’s Cove that has always drawn me in. Climbing the rolling and dipping rocks is almost primal. I’ve always felt that being able to nimbly navigate the unpredictability somehow proves something. Every time that I’ve ever visited there, I’ve subconsciously treated it as a challenge. Trying to cover the most distance, in the least amount of time. Sans injuries, of course. But today was different. For the first time, I sauntered. I took the 40 minute drive out there, roof open, sun streaming in and music turned up, and arrived with a purpose: to relax, to take the location in. Book in hand, I quietly and slowly made my way to a cozy nook in the rocks. And I read. Without distractions, without technology, without people. I was alone.

Being alone is something that has become a far more common theme in my life these days. In fact, I’ve never lived on my own. Ever. And, despite being an only child, I have never really spent much time with just me. Not that I have a problem being alone. In fact, I’m quite comfortable flying solo. But what I’ve discovered is that when I’m alone my busy mind gets the better of me. I really wish you could spend five minutes hanging out in my monkey brain as it swings from thought to thought without rhyme or reason. “I really need to paint my toes. Hmm…maybe coral. Yes, I love coral. I’d like to put coral in my condo somewhere. Maybe in the living room. Hmmm…my living room, the new furniture should arrive any time now.” And so on. It’s non-stop. I exhaust myself, really.

Interacting with people generally slows my mind down. It gives it a focus, a linear path to follow. Simply, being with other people gives me a break from my thinker-self.  You know, so I can exhaust everyone else, too. The symptom of that is I generally look to have others around me, most of the time.

This realization is a pretty honest one. Understanding that being alone could eventually put me into the nut house, if I were to sustain that scenario for too long, is a reasonably introspective realization, yes? Oh, go ahead, call it enlightened. And modest, while you’re at it.

When this occurred to me, I thought back to 30 Things and realized that it’s time to dig out the old play book. 30 Things was about helping me to break free from the challenges, boxes and rules I had placed on my own path. It helped me to take emotional risks. And it’s time to face that challenge again in my life.

So, I’m starting 30 Things all over again. Only this time, the rules are different. Between now and December 31, 2011, I’m going to do 30 Things alone that I’ve never done alone before. Go to the movies, have a drink at a bar downtown, take dance lessons (although I’m not sure I really need them). I need to learn how to quiet my mind, to be able to be in my own presence without my brain bouncing around like a piece of Silly Putty in my skull. To be clear: this does not in any way mean that I want to be alone (read: single) for the next six months. Do you hear me world?! Let’s get that straight, OK? What it simply means is that I want to learn how to respect my own voice as much as I respect everyone else’s. And no different than having friends over for supper or going to the movies with girlfriends, I need to make designated time to hang out with me.

So I started today. My trip to Peggy’s Cove is something that I would never normally do on my own. I loved it. And better yet, my mind was incredibly well-behaved. Almost like the first night a newborn sleeps right through.

I hope you’ll come along for the ride again and read along as I maximize my own discomfort. Oh, yes, and I’m taking recommendations. C’mon, make me squirm.

 

Advertisement