Give a Girl a Chance

Today, hundreds of bloggers are writing about one, big idea that we want YOU to think about:

By investing in girls in the developing world, we can make an incredibly effective investment in eradicating poverty, creating thriving communities, and slowing the spread of AIDS.

This idea is called Gift Effect and it represents the unique potential of 600 million adolescent girls to end poverty for themselves and for the world.

First of all, their website is awesome and their videos extremely compelling (my personal favourite is the one above), so as far as social mobilization, cause awareness and persuasive communication goes, Girl Effect rocks. They are, in my humble opinion, a brilliant example of best practices and the exact type of inspirational thinking and execution this world needs more of.

But the point of this post is not to raise awareness of Girl Effect as an organization. It’s to raise awareness of their cause: GIRLS. Specifically, girls in developing countries around the world who, if given an opportunity, can break the cycle of poverty for their family, their village, and possibly even their country. That’s because, just like the young girls you know in your own neighbourhood, they’re full of promise.

Their eyes are bright. Their imaginations are big, active and wild. Just like the girls you know, their giggles are infectious, their spirits fill the room, and their dreams of achieving success, raising a healthy family one day, and being unconditionally loved are very much alive.

If given the chance, these girls can become as much of an influential, passionate, loving, and accomplished woman as you want your daughter, niece or granddaughter to be. And I want to spread the word about their potential and their need for one reason: gratitude.

I was given a chance like the one they need. And because of all that it has allowed me to do, be and explore, I’m extremely grateful. I was educated, supported, believed in. I was allowed to remain single for as long as I wanted. I had access to a doctor. And, having children was an option, not a rule, that I could exercise if and when I was ready.

As a result of all of that, I have a university degree, my own business, my health and vitality, and a support system of colleagues, friends and family members. I’m about the run a half marathon, spend Thanksgiving with my family, experience an authentic and joyful wedding, and launch a website that I hope will make a positive impact on others’ lives. I know that I have a voice and a brain and that those two things can take me wherever the hell I want to go, if I work them hard enough.

My life is rich. I was given a chance. I’m extremely grateful.

Recently, I have encountered some professional hurdles. It has been a “character-building” year, we’ll say. There have been some major realizations happening, my conviction and confidence is being tested, determination is being demanded, and my ability to problem solve, respect myself and trust others must be proven.

But guess what? Whether we’re communication professionals or farmers, whether we’re working our networks or our farm, us girls? We’ve got a lot of fight in us. We have the capacity to figure shit out, if you give us a chance.

My life has been full of chances, and if I had to guess, I’d say so has yours. In honour of the chances you’ve been given and the chances I’ve been given, it’s time to pay it forward. It’s time to spread the love.

Here’s what you can do:

1.) Donate. $1, $10, $100, $1,000. Whatever you have is more than what they do, so the amount matters not.

2.) Spread the word. Share this post on Twitter and Facebook, and/or share a link to girleffect.org, and/or like the Facebook page.

3.) Watch the video above. It’ll expand your mind, for sure, and maybe it’ll inspire you to go back and do #1 or #2 as well.

- Big L

The Girl Effect Blogging Campaign is being spearheaded by Tara Sophia Mohr, a life coach, motivational speaker, and author.

Your Living Space as a Reflection of Yourself

Today, we have a special treat! We’re thrilled to welcome Doniree as a guest blogger! YAY! Her post today is especially timely now that the seasons are changing and we’re heading into those few months when, let’s face it, most of us will be spending more time indoors and at home. But, as Doni points out, if your space feels like you, this doesn’t have be a bad thing. If you like the ideas she has to share, please show Doni some love by leaving a comment.

What if your living space was a living reflection of – or better yet, extension of – exactly who you are and what your values are? What if you felt supported by your home? What if you walked into a welcoming oasis of clean, clutter-free, and comforting every time you walked in your door? I know what a wonderful feeling it is to feel as though your home is a seamless extension of your personality and dreams, and have compiled a few simple steps to get you started.

Set priorities and de-clutter accordingly

Sure, a clean and clutter-free home help reduce stress, but what if we took it one step further. Let’s not just de-clutter, but what if we’re intentional and clear about the things we do keep?

One of the best ways to set clear intentions and goals for yourself is to first identify your values, and then filter everything you’re doing with your life through that filter. Is this job in line with my values? This relationship? Am I spending my time in a way that clearly expresses what my values are and how important they are to me?

On the same token, and perhaps just as powerfully, we can run our possessions through that same filter. Does this thing/item/collectible serve me and what I’m working towards? Is this just taking up space or is it moving me forward?

Applying the same value-filter to your things as you do your thoughts and actions can be a really powerful way of telling the Universe exactly what you want, what you don’t, and what you value.

Create a vision board

… or better yet – turn your space into a living, breathing vision board.

On that note of “putting it out there,” creating a vision board is an excellent way to keep front, center, and visible the things you want out of life. One step further, you can decorate your apartment in a way that supports these visions and values. If your life list includes a trip to Greece, what about using Greek imagery and photography as artwork in your place? If growth and vivid life are your values, keep bright and colorful plants or flowers in your space to serve as a reminder of things that grow and bloom.

Keep it clean

I believe that blank spaces (shelves, cupboards, table tops, etc.) leave room for new things, new ideas, and new opportunities in our lives.

Once your space is clean and filled with things that bring you joy and support your goals, keep it that way! It’s so easy to accumulate new stuff (we do it all the time!), so as you bring in new items to your space, ask yourself if it’s supportive of your style and your goals. Where does it fit? Will it have a home? Will it add to or take away from your style and decor as you have it?

How we keep our living spaces is so important, whether you spend a lot of time at home or just a little. We all need a place we can unplug, unwind, and relax – and a clutter-free, intentionally decorated apartment makes that so much more pleasant.

Doniree Walker is a freelance writer/blogger based in Portland, Oregon. She spends her free time frequentingPortland’s farmers’ markets, training for her first 5K, and daydreaming about the places she plans to travel. She blogs at doniree.com and nomadicfoodie.com, and you can follow her on Twitter @doniree. Her clients include UMoveFree, a service helping renters find Galleria Houston, TX apartments.

{Photo credit}

Spreading wings and creating new things!

- Contributed by Big L

Guess what? In yet another unexpected twist here at Comfortably Uncomfortable, I have some news, too.

As you already know, Wee C and I have come a long way since our very first post over a year ago – both individually and together. Our 30 Things journeys have ended and our lives have continued to shift in dramatic ways ever since.

We’re gaining momentum, having epic moments of realization, and can feel the rudders of our ships churning beneath us, sending us in new directions.

(See? Where that nautical reference came from when I know nothing about boats is a mystery in itself!)

Yes, life is most certainly full of surprises and unpredictability – both good, bad and indifferent. And while Wee C’s life and its changes over the last two years have looked dramatically different from mine, our ability to thrive and survive through comfortably uncomfortable moments and circumstances looks an awful lot the same.

Now, as we often do, we’re taking that shared experience and mutual growth, and making it work for us in completely different ways.

For Wee C, that looks like taking a break and living a little more privately for a while. I’m confident it’s the right thing for her to do right now.

For me, that looks like spreading my wings and creating a brand new nook on the Internet that I can call my own. Considering how much I’ve been enjoying the process so far – and I’ve only just started – I’d say it’s the right thing for me to do right now.

I recently signed up for an amazing e-course that’s teaching me how to build a website all by myself. And I will soon be knee-deep in learning stuff about HTML and CSS, with the intention of building a little hang out where you can visit (like a tree house! weeeee!).

This new place will be a blog, yes, but my real intention is to be a source of inspiration for people. Through the content, design and visuals I’m planning, my website will simply be a feel-good place to be.

Before 2011 is out, I’ll be sending my creative project out into the world. And when I do, I’ll likely be retiring from my post here, as the co-author of this blog. But in the meantime, I’ll still be kickin’ around, and happy to share bits and pieces of the process with you, here, where it all started.

For example, see that image up there? That’s the colour palette I’ve chosen for the site.

What do you think?

It’s time

- Contributed by Wee C

This is a post that has been writing itself for the past year and a half. Since the day we launched the blog, in fact. 17 months, nearly 30,000 hits to the site and, as of the moment I press “publish”, 99 posts later.

We started this blog to chronicle 30 Things. We believed it was an interesting story to tell; one that some folks may see themselves in, draw inspiration from, or simply find humour in. Turns out, we were right. We also started this blog because it gave us a home for our story, a place where we could collect our thoughts and make sense of life’s evolution. This has been particularly true for me.

In April 2010, I had no idea the hell of a ride I was about to go on. I knew that things were changing, that there was a big something ahead of me, but I could not have predicted what a stunning evolution of self would happen.

Since then, I’ve migrated from a girl who couldn’t say “yes” to anything fun to one who wants nothing more than a life filled with joy, abundant laughter and a whole lot of foolishness…and is in fact living that life every, single day.

I have gone from a girl who had suffocated all of her relationships to one who is unreasonably blessed to have a bounty of remarkable, caring people in her life. I am surrounded by healthy, loving relationships.

Two years ago I was drowning in negative energy, unable to deal with life’s curve balls. Now I say “go ahead and throw them”, I’ll learn what I’m supposed to learn and move on. I promise I’ll come out the other side with a smile on my face.

I went from being 110% married to my marriage, to separated and, now, en route to divorce. I learned to accept the thing I feared most in life. With the help of Big L, I embraced the fact that you can’t logic your way through tragedy, you need to go into the eye of the storm and weather it before you can come out the other side. And, through that, I’ve come to thank my lucky stars for the unbelievably positive change this turn of events has brought.

All along the journey, you all have been right here, cheering me on, offering up public and private words of encouragement, asking for more, spreading the word and coming back week after week. I have exposed some of my most honest feelings. I let you inside my head and heart and risked a hell of a lot of  judgement – some of my most exposing posts were read by hundreds and that’s plenty raw. There were times when I didn’t want to write, when I didn’t want to share, but I did because it forced me to push through, to be seriously uncomfortable.

Because of all of that, this blog has been an enormous source of pride for me. I’m proud of myself for telling my story, for sharing despite the discomfort, for ignoring the emotional risks and doing it anyway.

Now, it’s time for a break. Comfortably Uncomfortable has helped me through the most difficult and exhilarating period of my life. It forced forward momentum when I couldn’t ignite it myself. But after a long period of sharing everything, I’m hungry for more privacy. It’s not fear. Nor is it an unwillingness to share. I simply want to experience a period of change and evolution that’s not fueled and supported by a bevy of cheerleaders. It feels important to be alone with my thoughts and find the strength within myself to grow and take risks. I couldn’t have arrived here without this blog, amongst other things.

I’ll be back, I’m sure of it. But for now, I’m hanging up the crutches and taking a little walk on my own. Adios en vaya con dios.

5 Things That Are Stirring My Soul, Lately

- Contributed by Big L

Oh, HI. This is my welcome back post. Or, it possibly is. After six hot and heavy months of writing at Stratejoy, I was planning on taking a self-imposed blogging break until at least September. But alas, I loved Wee C’s post last week and now I wanna write one!

So I’m taking a break from my break to give you this:

5 Things That Are Stirring My Soul, Lately

1. Wedding* planning –  I’ve organized a number of events over the last several years and in doing so, have discovered that event planning fills me with fury. Thankfully, I’ve been able to hold the event-fury at bay this time around, mostly because every aspect of our wedding is “do-it-yourself” (meaning we’re in control!) and it’s playful and creative to the max. We’re being real. Which also translates into me having a hella-good time! I get to be super crafty and experience the satisfaction of putting a big vision into practice. I’m starting to see it really come together and basically, it’s going to knock everyone’s socks off!

2. Creative writing – A big chunk of my time lately has been spent on a creative storytelling project that is really quite special. I get to interview about 25 people who were involved in building a completely ground-breaking, year-round, $8 million facility that will host residential camps for children with chronic illness. It will literally be a game changer for families in our region and I get to take people’s spoken words and have complete creative control over how to turn them into written words that will move and inspire a broad audience. My writer’s soul is guiding the way. It’s a beautiful thing.

3. Blender experiments – I love smoothies and I love when I have ingredients kicking around that allow me to put a bunch of things together and see what happens! I concocted something delicious recently and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it a few times over.

Try this: 1/2 cup pineapple tidbits in their juice; a tablespoon of greek yogurt (optional); 3/4 – 1 cup of unsweetened almond milk; a heaping tablespoon of peanut butter; 3/4 – 1 cup frozen mango chunks; generous sprinkle of cinnamon. Blend it all up until smooth, and voila!

4. Life list – I’ve been toying with the idea of creating a list of the things I’d love to experience. There would be no timeline and no consequences if they’re not all tackled, but there would be a heck of a lot of joy and satisfaction as each item that was accomplished. At first I thought, “I haven’t a sweet clue what I’d even put on such a list!” but then once I sat down and thought about it, all kinds of fun and interesting things came to mind! It’s been a motivating and insightful little exercise – you should try it!

5. Brainstorming with myself – Oh, you should see the pages of my notebook! I’ve been jotting words all over the place – big, messy, scrawled words, outside the lines, with arrows between them, and underlines, and question marks. Why? Because I’m digging into some visions I have. Visions for sharing and inspiring folks like you in a more conscious, organized way. Visions for selling stuff, be it a book, a series of journals, ‘get real’ note cards, or crafty type things. Visions for building a personal brand, not in a formulaic and sales-pitchy way, just in a find-your-voice-and-share-your-distinctness way. Stay tuned, there may be follow ups related to this one!

I could keep the list going, I’m sure, but I’ll focus on celebrating these five things for now. What’s worthy of celebration in your world lately? Maybe today’s the day you should take a moment to reflect on how much you looooove it.

[Photo credit: That fancy photo up there is my Dad's. Love it!]

*As an aside, can we talk about how in less than three months, the big day will be here? I’m filled with anticipation, nervous about what’s left on the to do list, anxious about the money that’s left to spend, but mostly really excited to put those rings on and smooch!

I’ve got that smushy feelin’

I'm all smushy for this hat.

- Contributed by Wee C

When my dogs were puppies I used to hold them and tell them they were so cute that I could squeeze them until their little heads popped off. Put down that phone…no one call Animal Control. I didn’t. Of course. But you know that feeling when something feels so darned good that your toes wiggle and you feel all smushy inside? I’m pretty smitten with that feeling. It’s one of my favourites. So, I thought I’d share 10 things that are making me feel smushy these days*.

1. My dad finishing his MBA - he’s mid-50s, doesn’t have a previous university degree and one day just decided to do his Masters. By distance. He just got the last of his marks in and he passed with flying colours. Talk about giving your kid some killer inspiration.

2. My mom helping my dad get his MBA - c’mon, say it with me: behind every great man is an even better… But the truth is that sells my mother short. I don’t know a single human being who is as selflessly giving as she is. And when my dad came home with this crazy idea to do his MBA, my mom simply said “let’s do it, I’ll help.” She beats the pants off anyone in the remarkable category.

3. My cool mom friend – awhile back I wrote about a friend of mine who just had a baby. What I didn’t tell you is that she’s about the coolest mom I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t ask if the baby had a “boom boom”, she calls it shit, like it is. She makes no apologizes for not clothing her child from head to toe in organic cotton, nor does she feel the least bit badly for going out and having a good time, sans-babe. She’s brilliantly caring and still the same girl I’ve always loved; she didn’t turn into someone else the minute she conceived. And that makes me smushy (but not in the boom boom kind of way).

4. My fun new hat – it’s the one in the picture and it makes me jump with glee whenever I wear it. Need I say more?

5. Forgiving myself – I’m still figuring the new me out, so some days I’m  unsure of myself, I get awkward, I zig when I really wanted to zag. Good thing part of the new me involves forgiving myself and learning to embrace the fact that the only thing that really matters is here and now. I love giving myself gold stars for this one.

6. Big L’s wedding plans – this girl has thrown convention out the window. From the dress to the location (in a film production office downtown), she and hunny are playing by their own rules in every single way. It’s a treat to watch her be recklessly joyful about every single detail of this event. November can’t come fast enough. I can’t wait to see the magic come to life.

7. Julie’s Jeep – is there anything better than being in a friend’s Jeep with the top off, the sun streaming in and the music blaring? How about two cute gals sitting in the front seat basking in the glory of life. There’s not much to complain about in that scenario.

8. Music – I grew up playing the piano and have always loved music, but during my cranky, life’s the pits phase (can you call a decade a phase?!), I forgot how much I love music. These days, I’m cranking it way up and singing it loud. And I don’t much care who hears me. Heck, my karaoke adventure from last summer happens at random daily intervals these days.

9. Early mornings accomplishments – I get more accomplished between 6am and 9am than I do any other time during the day. I get a run in/take the dogs for a walk, do 30 minutes of pilates (or swim), take a shower and dry my hair, drink my cappuccino and eat breakfast, I read the daily headlines from the Globe, the Chronicle-Herald and often the NY Times, and make my bed. So by the time 9 o’clock comes, I’m feeling mighty good.

10. Bologna sandwiches – yup, that’s right…straight from the foodie’s mouth. Cook the bologna (I microwave mine for speediness), add a hunk of cheddar cheese and slather on the mustard. A few All Dressed chips on the side never hurt anyone, either.

And, of course, my dogs still make me feel smushy just like they always have. Some days I have to restrain myself, but so far, I’ve managed to avoid loving them to death. So, tell me! What’s making you smushy inside or your toes wiggle with glee?

Full disclosure: I did not come up with the idea for this post on my own. Last week my business partners and I did a similar post on what was stirring our souls. It was Big L’s brain child. And I’m stealing it. But it was such a fun post that I wanted to do it all over again. And guess what? I’m not apologizing for it. Don’t worry, she’s used to it.

Kicking Ass and Taking Goblin Names

Pendulum at the Pantheon in Paris

- Contributed by Wee C

It’s finally happened. I’ve swung too far the other way.

For years my personal pendulum* swung disproportionately to the overworked, overtired, overstressed, overemotional, overcommitted, overperfectionist side of life. It was bloody tiring and not much fun at all. I had way too many things to check off my list, way too many people to please, way too many competing goals to achieve. Way too, way too much.

When I finally made a clean break (which took way too many failed tries), I ran so fast and so far in the opposite direction that I didn’t want a single goal or obligation left in my life. Damn goals, I thought, they’re just like having someone hold your head under water and laugh as you gasp for air. They won’t get me again.

When I finally stopped running, I hit a clearing. A big, open pasture that had no hills, no rocks, no molehills that turned into mountains. Just grass, sunshine and blue skies. I could look out all day long and nothing would obstruct my view. Insert blissful sighs, cartwheels in the field and rousing renditions of Kumbaya here.

But there was a problem. On the edge of my field was a Sleepy Hollow-esque forest. Dark and threatening and filled with the horrors of big goals, dreams and mile long to-do lists that chased you until you tripped on a stump and cried out for help. Cross that line into the Forest of Aspirations and you were all but a goner, never to return to the field again.

Having spent an awful lot of time in the forest, I felt like there was no middle ground between the lush green fields and the foreboding mass of trees. And if you had to pick one or the other, I bet you’d pick the place where beauty and bliss abounds, too.

But guess what? That field is pretty damn boring. Especially for a girl who thrives on growth and evolution, chasing big dreams and pushing boundaries. You can only put a buttercup under your chin so many times before the suspense wears off. And I’ve completely mastered the art of the daisy crown.

So it appears that I let my personal pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction. I stripped my life of goals, massive to-do lists and obligations. And, yes, I LOVED that…for awhile. And it was EXACTLY what I needed. But it’s time. I need my pendulum to find its way to centre. In fact, I’m hungry as hell for a couple killer challenges and some serious boundary pushing.

The beauty of hanging out in the field is that your mind gets mighty clear. Empty even. You know, all that fresh air tends to cleanse things. So with my clear mind and the restored fire in my belly, I actually get to start from ground zero and add only the goals, intents, dreams and aspirations that I want to. I get to be deliberate and disciplined about what I choose to add and what I don’t. I get to discover the place between the forest and the field that’s down in the valley and hidden from view.

So what’s next you ask? In the next couple of weeks, I’ll be finding out. I’m going to put aside some time, hang out with myself and take a good hard look at what I want to add in. But one thing is for sure. I’ll only be inviting things that add value to my life and that are worth making myself uncomfortable for. And don’t worry, I’ve worked so hard to get my mind mentally prepared for this next phase that I’m ready to kick ass and take some forest-goblin names.

*Ok, so I know, my analogy of the pendulum is highly flawed. But I like the visual. So, for the purposes of this post a pendulum can swing dramatically more to one side than the other. Plus, it’s my blog. So I get to change science however I want. I win.

[Photo Credit]

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The '80s epitome of love

- Contributed by Wee C

Not long ago I used some sort of fancy Facebook app that summarized all my activities on “the FB” into one nifty little presentation. Thank goodness for marketers and their ingenious ideas, eh? What I liked about it, though, was that it told me the word that appeared most frequently on my profile. To no one’s surprise, I’m sure, LOVE was my word. I’m pretty sure that I was born in the wrong era because I’ve long believed that love is, indeed, what makes the world go round. I’m a pretty big fan, to say the least. And not just of the “in love” kind of love, but equally, the “I love you, man” kind of love.

So, needless to say, love is a top-of-mind topic with me. It’s something I think about often, wondering what it looks like, how it evolves, why it changes, how to give it with abundance, and how to gracefully receive it. But recently, for a whole variety of reasons (and don’t any of you get all presumptuous, I just happen to have the privilege of renewed perspective and good literature fueling my busy mind), I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the “in love” kind of love.

As a child of the ’80s, I was born and raised on soap operas and romantic comedies. So early on I came to be brainwashed believe that being in love was a place of bliss and fulfillment. C’mon, how could you not want what Luke and Laura or Felicia and Frisco had?! The trouble is that for a long time I saw being in love as a destination; a place you work to get towards or what you’re rewarded with after a sufficient period of good behaviour has passed. Surely this is where the tragic notion of brownie points became solidified?

For a long time, I was anxious to get there. To that place called being in love. I now see just how narrow, and frankly stifling, this point-of-view is. And it’s one I bet a whole lot of us share. Heck, the term “falling in love” itself suggests that love, at least in the romantic sense, is a goal, a destination, or worse, an end-state. And once you’re officially “in love”, it’s like the journey has stopped and you can just settled in. You’ve arrived. Let the dirty socks and nagging abound.

But for someone who loves love as much as I do, I’ve come to realize that’s just not good enough. In fact, I kinda think it sucks. It’s certainly not how I want to look at it in my life any longer. I want my definition of love to be far less limiting, much more about a journey than a destination, and much less likely to incite resentment and feelings of confinement.

So, I’ve re-framed the romantic version of love in my mind. Simply, for me love is a shared journey of discovery; a common search. It’s a journey where you get the privilege of creating meaning together. This places love on a continuum and suggests it continues to grow and evolve for as long as you wish to be on the journey together. It’s not a destination at all. And that paints a pretty beautiful picture in my mind.

It’s also a place where you are supported in your growth and where you get to support and mentor someone else in theirs. It’s where exploration is comfortable and never judged. It’s where you get to try and fail, or try and succeed. The wonderful thing about this is that human beings never stop learning or evolving, and therefore, neither should love.

And just because I make it sound all peaceful and balanced, don’t for a second think that I’m trying to take the mad rush out of being in love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m trying to sustain the rush for a lifetime.

In my mind, thinking of being in love as a place you work towards, an achievement you wish to accomplish, or something you’ve earned, diminishes it. But perhaps more importantly, it creates all kinds of unnecessary and fabricated pressures. We get anxious to just get there already. We want to check it off our list so we can move onto the next thing – the house, the car, the baby. We get impatient with our significant other and wonder what the hell is taking them so long.

Who knows if I’m right. But right now I like the way this sounds. Thinking about love this way excites me. It makes my heart pretty darned happy. And it makes me wonder what the heck Laura ever saw in Luke anyway.

All By Myself (#1-5)

I’ve always been pretty independent. My famous line as a little one was “I do it myself.” Delivered, of course, with the trademark Wee C stubbornness and determination. Maybe it’s the only child in me. Maybe my parents just raised a pain in the ass. Maybe it’s both. Regardless, since the time that I could facilitate hand-eye coordination I’ve generally believed I can take care of most things on my own.

But, as I’ve alluded to in past blog posts, I’ve never been much for doing things alone. One my own, yes. Alone? Rarely. I’ve avoided doing things alone because that’s where my confidence gets tested the most. It’s where I’m most likely to back down from a challenge or walk away when I’m not sure of myself. It’s where I make excuses for myself and look for a way out. But my 30 Things Sequel (The Solo Version) requires me to conquer this. It forces me to work through my hangups and come out on the other side…just like I did with 30 Things the first time around.

So, you’ve guessed it. It’s time to report back on the first couple of things I’ve done alone.

1. Go to Peggy’s Cove – I’ve already written about this one. I won’t indulge myself any further. But you can read about it here if it’s new to you.

2. Sit at a bar by myself and make friends – I’ve actually done this three times in the past couple of months. Ok, wait. Did I just go from cool factor to being borderline loser (or alcoholic, whichever you prefer)? Rather, let’s just say I killed this one, yes? And, by the way, I did. I had so much fun that I was asked out on a date (Shush…so what if it was a 60-year-old man…you can’t blame him, can you?!), got to know the bartenders by name, and made friends with the owners. So, yeah, I didn’t just sit quietly, I held my own.

3. Go to a concert alone – This was a big one. Normally, I would never do something like this without a teammate. But I was deliberate in my decision. I didn’t ask anyone to join me…even when I really wanted to. I even went to supper with Big L immediately before and then firmly bid her adieu an hour before the concert began. And I’m so glad I did. I could feel myself settle into my own skin as the night progressed. This one may just have been my strip club/TSN turning point.

4. Take the dogs to the beach – The sun was shining, the dogs were deserving of a bit of fun and I was desperately looking to get out of the house. So I dug out the towels and prepared to go. But as often happens when I decide to do things alone, I ran out of ambition. I started lingering by the computer, puttering around the house and generally just avoiding departure. Who the hell knows why this happens to me. I start out with conviction and then it fizzles. So, admittedly, I faltered. I made a call for a companion. A really handsome, endearing traveling companion (surely that lets me off the hook just a bit?!), but a companion nonetheless. I’m hard-pressed to say that it was good news that he couldn’t join me, but for the sake of my 30 Things, it was. Here’s the win: I sucked it up and went anyway. And the dogs and I had a ball. I came home soaked and them full of sand. And the grin on my face couldn’t have been bigger.

5. Sign papers for the sale of my house – I could have easily felt that I needed emotional support for this or I could have simply taken company into the lawyer’s office, but the truth of the matter was that I didn’t want it. This was one thing that I wanted to do alone. And it felt great. No nerves, no regrets, no looking back. I am home-free, as they say.

Five down, 25 to go. And what I can honestly say is that between 30 Things and living on my own, doing things alone is becoming far more comfortable. I’m learning that I don’t need someone around to do what I love to or want to do. I may want them there or invite them along, but my need for a security blanket is diminishing by the day. What’s even more interesting is that in being comfortable to be by myself, spending time with others has become a lot more enjoyable. It’s not about them being a crutch. I’m choosing to spend my time with them, which means I’m present and invested. Huh. What a novel idea. Stay tuned for the next one…I think it’ll be a doozy.

Have A Little Faith

- Contributed by Wee C

So, I know. It’s been awhile. I haven’t exactly been attentive to our little corner of the Internet, have I? If our blog were a piece of property, the weeds would have overtaken the house by now and the neighbourhood children would be wondering if the witches had moved in. Um, excuse me, there will be no snarky comments from the peanut gallery. I can hear you from here.

But, the thing is, I’m kinda happy these days. Rephrase: I’m really flippin’ (insert more profane language here if you’re not my parents or children under the age of 12) happy. Which has made me realize that I don’t have all that much to talk or fret or moan about. For the first time in a long time, I’m pretty damned settled. That means you’re stuck with the “I love my life” blog post.

So what got me here? Simple answer: faith. I’m still working on faith “in what”, but definitely faith in something bigger than myself – in the world, in God, the energy of life.

Don’t be fooled. I didn’t get here overnight. When life slams you flat on your ass, you don’t bounce back up like a basketball (although that’d be a neat party trick). It’s a hard, uphill slog and you’ve gotta choose faith every single day. Some days, you’re choosing it a thousand times a day, slaying each and every one of your wandering, misbehaving thoughts with a big fat faith laser sword (you know, one with sparkles and such). Think of Mario going to save the Princess. Sometimes you had to try and beat that level a lot of times before the monster was toast. But the reward at the end was worth it, yes? Kisses from the Princess, c’mon.

I’m already predicting what you’re saying. Really? Isn’t that a little naive? Life doesn’t really work that way. Put the crazy in a padded room. But I’m telling you, changing my internal commentary and relying on faith has worked. Every.Single.Time.

Want in? Start by changing the language you use in your mind. Somehow we’ve learned to categorize everything by good and bad, positive and negative, right and wrong. What happens if we took that lens away? What if it just “is”. Think about it in context: you lost your job. Your first reaction is “that’s bad”. But how can you possibly know that? How many times in life do we label something as good or bad and it turns out to be the exact opposite? Perhaps more importantly, how many times do we label something as good or bad and then fight to hold onto what we thought it was, even when life is showing us that we’re dead wrong? Because, let’s be honest, as human beings, we’re not all that good at being proven wrong. We tend not to embrace that with enthusiasm.

I’m not suggesting for a minute that we can’t have emotional responses to what life throws at us. Good heavens, if I took emotion out of my life, I might as well bite the bullet now…emotion is the currency I operate in. So, yes, allow yourself to respond. Be human. Be joyful when the situation calls for it. And be sad when you need to be. Just don’t get stuck there. When the time is right, pull back, remove the labels and don’t let the ultimate dichotomy of good and bad suck you in.

The trick is that you can’t stop there and sit idle, because you will get sucked back into the vortex. You have to actively believe that things will work out as they should. Actively means not fretting when you want to fret. It means freeing your mind from the what ifs and paralyzing commentary like “I should have done it this way” or “If only I had turned left instead of right”. It means listening and watching for signs that point you in the direction you’re supposed to be going, even if it’s not where you think you should be going. And, yes, it means having blind, evidence-lacking faith that life will lead you down exactly the right path.

I know that it’s a mind bend and not everyone will get there. Believe me, I know. As Pollyanna as I make it sound, I routinely struggle to follow my own advice. The less-enlightened version of myself is always fighting the wiser version. The more I let the wiser one win, though, the better life seems to get. And if I look at some of the incredible things and people that life has brought me in the past couple of months, it’s hard to argue with having a little faith…in faith.

PS – I happened across my high-school yearbook the other day and found the following quote in my grad write-up. Seems I’ve been carrying this belief around with me for quite some time.

“Faith. Faith in a spirit possessing greater strength, wisdom, power and love than you do. Faith in the ultimate goodness of life. Faith in yourself. Faith that as you seek, you will find.”